Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman by Lindy West

I freely admit to not being the most plugged in person on the planet, so before my book group chose Lindy West’s Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman as our choice last month, I hadn’t heard of her.  I am grateful that a fellow member brought this book to our attention, and I now consider myself a Lindy West fan.  Our group certainly had a lot to talk about.

You may have heard of West from her appearances on NPR’s This American Life.  She’s done two episodes in the last two years.  In one she gets an unexpected and heartfelt apology from the internet troll who impersonated her recently deceased father (episode 545.)  In the other (episode 589) West talks about how she started embracing her identity as a fat woman.41L6cVdMOFL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_

Shrill is a book of essays and also a memoir, although our group couldn’t quite decide if it felt more like one than the other.  West writes about the lack of positive, sexy, young fat women role models in entertainment, her period, her abortion, growing into acceptance of her body, internet trolls, not fitting into a seat on an airplane, misogyny in stand-up comedy, and her father’s death.  Some of her writing is funny and brave, some of it is heartbreaking and raw.  All of it is infused with a passionately feminist, body-positive perspective.  I marked many passages as I read.  I’d like to share a few.

On vicious internet harassment (in the brilliantly titled chapter “Why Fat Lady So Mean to Baby Men?”):  “Why is invasive, relentless abuse – that disproportionately affects marginalized people who have already faced additional obstacles just to establish themselves in this field – something we should all have to live with just to do our jobs?  Six years later, this is still a question I’ve yet to have answered.”

On the pressure to be a thin and beautiful woman in our society: “Women matter.  Women are half of us.  When you raise every woman to believe that we are insignificant, that we are broken, that we are sick, that the only cure is starvation and restraint and smallness; when you pit women against one another, keep us shackled by shame and hunger, obsessing over our flaws rather than our power and potential; when you leverage all of that to sap our money and our time – that moves the rudder of the world.  It steers humanity toward conservatism and walls and the narrow interests of men, and it keeps us adrift in waters where women’s safety and humanity are secondary to men’s pleasure and convenience.”

On rape jokes in comedy: “Comedians regularly retort that no one complains when they joke about murder or other crimes in their acts, citing that as a double standard.  Well, fortunately, there is no cultural narrative casting doubt on the existence and prevalence of murder and pressuring people not to report it.”

I feel like Lindy West is such a necessary writer and a strong and relatable feminist voice.  I found her to be funny and insightful and fierce.  I marvel at her hard-won confidence.  I’m angry that she has to endure such hateful vitriol online for speaking her mind and loving who she is.  Shrill is a great choice for a book club – it provides so many avenues of conversation.  This was a very good collection of essays – powerful and brave in a way that women in our society definitely need.

 

 

Top Ten Tuesday: Top Ten Books Every Book Club Should Read

Today’s theme for Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by The Broke and Bookish, is Top Ten Books Every Reader of X Should Read.  I immediately thought, why not make a list of sure-fire hits for a book club?  And by “hits” I don’t necessarily mean everyone will like them.  I mean they’ll be sure to draw out a good discussion. Sometimes it’s the two-or-three-star books that elicit the strongest critical responses.  That’s what we want for our book club meetings, right?  I mean, besides good snacks and maybe a mimosa?

So here are ten books that have produced great discussions in my own book group, and their corresponding Goodreads blurb.


The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell.  334176My one word review:  HARROWING. “In 2019, humanity finally finds proof of extraterrestrial life when a listening post in Puerto Rico picks up exquisite singing from a planet that will come to be known as Rakhat. While United Nations diplomats endlessly debate a possible first contact mission, the Society of Jesus quietly organizes an eight-person scientific expedition of its own. What the Jesuits find is a world so beyond comprehension that it will lead them to question what it means to be human.”

Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay.   Lots of fun pop culture references in this, plus serious subject matter on race and gender roles.  “In these funny and insightful essays, Roxane Gay takes us through the journey of her evolution as a woman of color while also taking readers on a ride through culture of the last few years and commenting on the state of feminism today. The portrait that emerges is not only one of an incredibly insightful woman continually growing to understand herself and our society, but also one of our culture.”

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates.  IMG_2076Whether or not you’re in a book club, you need to read this.  “In a profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son, Ta-Nehisi Coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation’s history and current crisis. Americans have built an empire on the idea of “race,” a falsehood that damages us all but falls most heavily on the bodies of black women and men—bodies exploited through slavery and segregation, and, today, threatened, locked up, and murdered out of all proportion. What is it like to inhabit a black body and find a way to live within it? And how can we all honestly reckon with this fraught history and free ourselves from its burden?”

The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman.   It’s just magical.  And kinda scary.  ” A groundbreaking work from a master, The Ocean at the End of the Lane is told with a rare understanding of all that makes us human, and shows the power of stories to reveal and shelter us from the darkness inside and out. It is a stirring, terrifying, and elegiac fable as delicate as a butterfly’s wing and as menacing as a knife in the dark.”

The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. by Adele Waldman. 16045140 A book I mightily resisted reading, turned out to be one of our best discussions ever.   “Novelist Adelle Waldman plunges into the psyche of a flawed, sometimes infuriating modern man–one who thinks of himself as beyond superficial judgment, yet constantly struggles with his own status anxiety, who is drawn to women, yet has a habit of letting them down in ways that may just make him an emblem of our times. The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. is a tale of one young man’s search for happiness–and an inside look at how he really thinks about women, sex and love.”

We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver.  Yeah, I hated this book.  I couldn’t get past the first 120 pages or so.  But we had a really lively discussion about it, so there ya go. I feel like the full Goodreads blurb gives away too much, so here’s a selection.  “Uneasy with the sacrifices and social demotion of motherhood from the start, Eva fears that her alarming dislike for her own son may be responsible for driving him so nihilistically off the rails.”

Tenth of December by George Saunders.  One of my favorite short story collections ever.  I like short story collections for book group because even the laziest and/or busiest member can read at least one story and talk about it.  “The title story is a moving account of the intersection, at a frozen lake in the woods, of a young misfit and a middle-aged cancer patient who goes there to commit suicide, only to end up saving the boy’s life.

13641208“Home” is the often funny, often poignant account of a soldier returning from the war.

“Victory Lap” is a taut, inventive story about the attempted abduction of a teenage girl.”

The Dinner by Hermann Koch.  My book group discussion made me likes this a wee tiny bit more than I did on my own. This one is guaranteed to elicit strong opinions.   “A summer’s evening in Amsterdam and two couples meet at a fashionable restaurant. Between mouthfuls of food and over the delicate scraping of cutlery, the conversation remains a gentle hum of politeness – the banality of work, the triviality of holidays. But the empty words hide a terrible conflict and, with every forced smile and every new course, the knives are being sharpened…”

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.  Unlikeable college kids do awful things!  Freaking great book and great discussion.  “Under the influence of their charismatic classics professor, a group of clever, eccentric misfits at an elite New England college discover a way of thinking and living that is a world away from the humdrum existence of their contemporaries. But when they go beyond the boundaries of normal morality they slip gradually from obsession to corruption and betrayal, and at last – inexorably – into evil.”

Billy Lynn’s Half-Time Walk by Ben Fountain.  13325079At times the satire was a bit too broad for my taste, but this exploration of an Iraq war vet’s engagement with people at home while on leave offers much to discuss.   “Billy Lynn’s Long Half-Time Walk is a razor-sharp satire set in Texas during America’s war in Iraq. It explores the gaping national disconnect between the war at home and the war abroad.”

Have you been or are you currently a member of a book group that enjoyed a lively discussion of a certain title?  Even if the answer is no, please give me some suggestions for books (fiction AND nonfiction) that you think my book group should consider.

 

 

 

Citizen: An American Lyric by Claudia Rankine

I am sad and I am angry.  I’ve been struggling with questions in my mind these past few days, since the horrible hate crime occurred in Charleston, SC.  Nine innocent people murdered – by all accounts, good people, kind people, who welcomed a stranger into their sanctuary for bible study.  I’m a mom and I want the world that my child inherits to be better than this.  I want us to be better than this.  Yes, this is the action of one evil-hearted, selfish person, but it didn’t happen in a vacuum.  Our society so enamored with violence and a culture still so steeped in racism, both overt and subtle, was the soup in which his hatred and ignorance brewed.

When I finished Claudia Rankine’s Citizen: An American Lyric, it was just days after the murders.  I struggled with how to review this book of prose poems and essays and images.  It’s so slim, but so potent, powerful, searing.  One can read it quickly.  But it contains so many incidents of racism that it becomes overwhelming at times.  On planes, in line at Starbucks, in an office conference room – story after story of white people saying and doing ridiculously offensive things, so crazy you can’t believe educated people would say those things.  But they do.  And they have.  And it just makes me sad, and embarrassed for us, for everyone.

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After a list of four black men killed by policemen, this powerful passage:

because white men can’t

police their imagination

black men are dying

That word, police, as a verb.  Devastating.

Another striking passage, after one more “What did he say?” incident:

Come on, get back in the car. Your partner wants to face off with a mouth and who knows what handheld objects the other vehicle carries.

Trayvon Martin’s name sounds from the car radio a dozen times each half hour.  You pull your love back into the seat because though no one seems to be chasing you, the justice system has other plans.

Yes, and this is how you are a citizen: Come on. Let it go. Move on.

I think everyone should read this book, plain and simple.  It would be an excellent book group choice.  There is so much here to unpack and absorb.  White people like myself have the luxury of experiencing this book as words on a page.  Black people have to live this daily.  Uncomfortable conversations must take place, and people – white people –  have to be brave and speak up when confronted with both subtle and overt racism.  Silence about race feels easier sometimes, when you’re so scared of offending someone.  I can’t be silent anymore.  Silence feels like complicity.

The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. by Adelle Waldman

I belong to an amazing book group.  I feel so privileged to be able to meet once a month and eat and drink and talk and laugh with this group of funny, intelligent, lively women.  We began in 2006 (I think – I’ve slept since then) and have lost and added members over the years, but we’re still going strong!  One person chooses three or four titles for the rest of us to vote on as next month’s read.  We rotate as hostess and book presenter.  If someone doesn’t read the book for that particular month, it doesn’t matter all that much.  She agrees to listen politely while those of us who have read it talk about it – and we don’t hold back on spoilers. (We figure that if she’d really wanted to read it, she would have done so.)

While we always have interesting discussions, every once in a while we have a discussion that particularly blows up – in a good way.  Our latest Book Group Bomb is The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. by Adelle Waldman. I resisted reading this book.  I didn’t vote for it, and I was irritated that it got the most votes (despite the fact that a friend who I very much respect had presented it as a choice a few months earlier.)  I didn’t want to read about a self-absorbed, shallow, privileged young white man and his love affairs, dammit!  Why would I want to spend my valuable reading time with this loser?  Don’t we read about/live with these types of guys enough?!?  I dragged my heels, reading it only in the last few days before our meeting.  And now I feel like a total idiot, because it’s simply a very good read.

Waldman is a master of dialogue, both inner and outer.  To say that she inhabits the mind of this dude (one of my book group mates called him “bro-tastic”) is an understatement.  I spent most of the book in a state of irritation and exasperation with Nate – he’s not a total monster, but he’s enough of an idiot with women to make you cringe in recognition of the losers you may have dated.  Yet Waldman humanizes him enough to make him interesting.  You probably don’t want to date Nate, but you still want to read about him as he and his friends navigate the sort of insular world of young writers in Brooklyn.  (His best female friend is an opinionated woman named Aurit, and she gets her own story in another work by Waldman, a novella only available online.)

One of my friends called Nate “emotionally lazy.”  The word “cowardly” was bandied about, as was “immature.”  We also speculated about Nate’s prowess, or lack thereof, in bed, and whether or not his relationship with his mother contributed to his problems relating to women.  (We don’t get a whole lot of his mother, but what we do get isn’t terribly promising.)  There are many ways in which this book can relate to the lives of Gen X and younger women,  so many times one can sigh in relief that one is not dating anymore.  (Thank God, this married reader thinks!) Still, there’s a scene when Nate and Hannah, the woman he spends most of the novel dating, are just getting together, and he leans in to kiss her for the first time against a brick wall, and the electricity and spark in the writing might make one nostalgic for the fraught excitement of being single and finding someone who’s “into” you.

Such a punch for such a slim novel!  It’s a Jane Austen novel with a jerk at its center, set in modern-day Brooklyn instead of eighteenth century Bath.  It’s an examination of modern-day relationships among a certain privileged set of young people.  It’s one of those “nothing happens but everything happens” kind of books. I have a weakness for those.  If you don’t have to love your characters to be entertained by them, and you like novels where people talk (and think) a lot, you should pick this one up.